“It’ll probably take a few months to fall anyway,” I said to my husband when we set the date of March 2019 to start trying for our second bub. It hadn’t been simple the first time and we knew I’d be on progesterone to maintain the pregnancy through those critical first weeks. But we were fortunate and each morning the line on the test grew darker and darker until a blood test confirmed what my aversion to strong smells was already telling me - I had indeed set myself up for two under two.
Besides the typical morning sickness, low iron and reflux, physically, this pregnancy has been much easier and gone a lot quicker than my first. However, what I wasn’t prepared for was the mental and emotional journey of preparing for a second baby.
Really, for this post to be helpful for other mummas I should wait until this time next year when I can be positive and say - “your heart just grows to accommodate them both” and “it’s so amazing watching both your children interact”. But, the Mum guilt when your first born is very much a baby and you’re pregnant again is very real and I think if one person reads this and identifies with the feelings right now it’s much better than another post that tells you it’ll all be good in a year!
Daisy is cutting molars.
She wants her Mum and has sworn off naps. All my usual tricks aren’t working and my patience is much thinner than usual. I feel bad when she is clearly in pain and I don’t have the energy to give her 100% of me. I feel even worse at the relief I feel when hubby or family take over and I get a break.
Physically I can’t keep up with her.
Daisy is at the stage where she walks across the room on her own but still prefers to hold your hand. The other day she actually came to where I was sitting and attempted to pull me up but after probably overdoing it during the day I just couldn’t get up. It breaks my heart to think these are our last few weeks on our own and I can’t give her all the attention I’d like to.
She is still a baby.
In March, Daisy was 7 months old. Sixteen months old seemed like forever away and I imagined her so grown up. Even though she is such a little girl, she is very much still a baby. I constantly think “maybe it was too soon” while at the same time being excited to be a family of four.
This is normal.
All those ‘after’ articles always come to the same conclusion - the new baby just slots in, the older sibling loves them, you all adjust. I think this is just a part of the journey that Mums go through regardless of the age gap but don’t talk about all that much.
Logically, I know it will be all ok. I have a great support network and we’ve experienced life with a newborn, and survived, once before. In the long run, Daisy isn’t going to be ‘damaged’ and I can’t wait to see her become a big sister but I think any opportunity to say “it’s ok to feel this way” and tell others should be taken and shouted from the rooftop!
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